i dont know what is wrong with him. it just pisses me off. i haved locked myself in my room now to blog. i cannot stand him.. he is watching hbo now and wouldnt give a damn anyway. he has been on leave since last saturday till this friday. but he does nothing at home. before i left for work at 6.30am, he was asleep. when i got home at 6pm, he was still asleep. this has been going on for the past few days. he doesnt even call or even sms me when im not home...i doubt he even give a damn if i went home safely or not. all along i thought..maybe...a little maybe, if i keep this baby he would at least treat me a slight bit better. but no. he doesnt even care to help me out with the wedding prep. im left all alone to arrange things. like its wedding of me and ME? simple task like helping me to call up the restaurant, he just waved it off saying he didnt know how to talk. worse still...i caught him lying again. we made a pact to tell each other everything. but he broke his promise once again as usual...like all guys. he went for a job interview without even consulting me. he said the young lady boss made him cooked a dish and started calling and smsing him ever TOO often. who knows if that was even the truth? he could have gone there to fuck for all i know. like how he always is like.. then he even got angry when i questioned him. he screamed at me stuff like that. hurt my feelings a lot..a lot. but i was used to it. i went out alone. i went to binge on my own. i spent $50 and 3 hours eating...before i decided to go home. does he even care? if not for the baby..really...i wanna postpone this wedding. if not for my mum, the stuff she already bought for me...i really really would have cancelled i think. this is driving me nuts. i guess he just no longer remembers how many hundred days he took just to make me go out with him...how many another hundreds of days it took for me to say yes to this marriage. i was blind then. after the marriage, everything just becomes invisible to him. i have given him so much of me..what else have i not done? i have given him things to be happy about, a place to live in, even his very own everything...yet he childishly talks about getting our own place all the time without considering our present situation. just what you want me to do? i really dont know. you mean you dont want the baby exchange for a house or what? i dont know... now.. honestly. i dont even know if i made a right choice to keep baby. i dont want to be so heartless.. but the situation seems to force me. nobody understands how difficult it is being pregnant. feeling nausea all the time, cant eat favourite food, cannot shop for long, tire easily, need sleep almost all the time..who understands? i feel so tired. baby, please help me decide. i want you. but your father doesnt seem to cherish you... what should i do..? =(
