5 more days to my big day. i feel so anxious and excited. i hope everything will turn out well! i still have so much to do and so little time. prepare hong bao money, liase with restaurant regarding projector, wait for photos to be ready, my facial and manicure/pedicure and pack luggage...haha.. yesterday i went to the bridal shop to take my measurements again. and it was upsetting ok....because i have increased all over..by at least an inch. my waist 2 inches!! so have to re-alter my wedding gowns. haha...it was a happy and sad thing actually. putting on weight means baby is growing.. =) yesterday i went to the gynae too. i did another ultrascan and gosh, i was so touched i almost wanted to cry. i could see the baby already. and he/she is so active in my tummy. i even got to hear the heartbeat..loud and clear. measuring 6.13cm now..i could see clearly his/her hands and legs. my goodness...i cannot imagine, a life inside me.. the delivery date is now 24th december 2007. brought forward by 5 days.. i hope its gonna be a christmas baby!! all the nausea and discomforts was all worth it..it just didnt matter anymore when i saw baby.. i feel so happy. can you feel my joy? =D
hUgs&KissEs |
10:59 AM
Thursday, June 07, 2007
getting up early is a new habit of mine.. no matter how late i slept the night before, i still wake up early. nothing bad..just that i dont really have anything in mind to do so early. haha.. today i am off. gonna stay at home to do some spring cleaning.
our wedding is just 2 weeks away..almost everything has been done. i dont know if i feel happy, anxious or worried. i just hope to get over with it soon. many still ask me the same question "are you sure? this is for life..." well, how can i say no when i already have got baby in my tummy? i believe very much in fate. i was given a chance to withdraw from this wedding, but baby came as a sign to say no, dont withdraw. ..so i have 2 reasons for this wedding..first, the baby. second, he is my first and i hope he would be the last. when it comes to these things, im still very conventional. not that i still love him like in the past, not that i still trust him very much..but i do believe in a second chance.. and i shall just pray that he would not ruin it. "gan qing ke yi..zai..pei yang"..especially now with the little one. i know, wedding should be mutual and should be happy. i shall let people around me shower me with words of blessing so i can become happy. haha..what a dumb thing to say. =P
i know i have to forget him. i cannot build my happiness on thoughts of him. i have already come to this stage of my life where there could only be one. but i just feel happy and at ease when i see him. just the sight of him makes my day. no kidding! his presence is that enjoyable. but i rather he not speak to me..it makes me feel so rubbery and dumb..cos i never say something right. and i rather he not sit next to me..i cannot concentrate on what im doing and would definitely not take my eyes off him. i still remember some things though not very clearly, and i like daydreaming about it. i do regret some things that i could have done..but i guess i rather not have done it because i am not supposed to. it would just bring guilt. it doesnt matter he doesnt know..maybe even better.. these are things he should not know..it might spoil the current relationship. he has changed a little since then but it doesnt matter. as long as i still get to see him. these are my thoughts and he would never know. in fact nobody knows. only me... but this is something i need to forget..this cannot stay, especially after the wedding. i am no longer like before..i need to remind myself. im going to have a family..a home of my own..one that belongs selfishly only to ourselves. this love cannot be shared. not with someone else..who doesnt belong. he can stay, but only at the back of my memory....not to be brought up ever again. i feel kind of sad..but this is how my life is gonna be and i have decided on this long before..no turning back. i cannot be fickle minded anymore...
